When looking at the man in your life, do you ever grumble to yourself, "What's wrong with him? He never brings flowers or does anything romantic"? Or "He drives me crazy with all the hearts and flowers stuff"? Believe it or not, the problem may not be your guy at all. Really! If you're unsatisfied with your main man, it could be as simple as this: Your guy is a great guy but he may not be the right great guy for you.
The first step toward finding the best kind of lover for you figuring out what kind of lover you are. To get in touch with yourself, list everything from your fantasies (Brad Pitt at the door) to the qualities you prefer in a partner (someone who calls twice a day, not once a week) to the sort of relationship you're looking for (casual, marriage, etc.).
And just for fun, take a look at my dating guide. Sure, I'm basically kidding here, but it just might help you figure out what your love style is -- and find your best match after all.
She's the one wearing the most revealing outfit and saying the most outrageous things. She thrives on, well, drama and is turned on by the roller-coaster love style of fighting and making up. Instead of expressing her feelings, she acts out. It's hard for her to stop the drama long enough to express anger, sadness and disappointment.
Best matchup: Mr. Laid Back. He's the one wearing a three-piece suit while his wife is garbed in a halter-top and mascara up to her hairline. Mr. Laid Back lives vicariously through his mate. He has trouble letting go, so the drama queen lets loose for him. And he won't grab the spotlight from her.
Potential pitfall: He might become fed up with her constant performing; she might find it difficult to meet his ever-growing expectations of her performances. This pair must learn to communicate directly instead of covertly, to really listen and speak to each other.
The only time she leaves her man is when she visits the little girls' room. She's trained to stand by her guy even if she has to sit on him to do it. Ms. Joined-at-the-Hip wants affection, flowers, candy -- all the time. She hasn't begun to form her own sense of self.
Best matchup: Mr. Protective. He's big. He's strong. He's the perfect port in a storm. If he gives his honey bunny her requisite doses of romance she'll play Priscilla to his Elvis.
Potential pitfall: His partner's chronic neediness can become tedious, causing Mr. Protective to pull away. Or she might drop the helpless-without-you act, which seems threatening to an insecure mate. This couple needs to grow supportive of each other's changes.
The Woman Who Doesn't Need People (Much)
She's the type who likes time alone to seek out her own interests and hang out with friends. To someone enmeshed in this love style, romance has a place, an important one, but it's not the be-all and end-all of human existence.
Best matchup: Man of Many Interests. You're ice skating with the girls; he's fly fishing with the guys. He doesn't need total togetherness, but the time you spend together is high quality.
Potential pitfall: Trouble can brew if you start taking each other for granted. Keep time together loving and fun. And once in a while, pull out all the stops for romance.
Before you rush off to find the man who matches your love style, here are a few provisos.
- Uncover his true personality. Initially, any guy will be on his best behavior, but you'll both act differently once you've been dating for a while.
- Pick a partner who's not exactly like you but who can balance you out a little.
- And be flexible. You've got to give a little to get a little -- no matter how great a match you make.