When Bad Guys Happen to Good People

To mangle Jane Austen, it is a truth universally acknowledged that a woman in possession of a bad man must not want to hear that she's ruining her life. So it may come as a surprise that it is my absolute Grrl Genius opinion that there are times when you've just got to tell her anyway.

Let us consider the "runaway bride" of Duluth, Georgia. Surely, in a wedding that involved 14 (yes, 14!) bridesmaids and seven bridal showers (yes, seven!), one of those women would have been willing to risk not wearing her hideous, $200, peach-colored nightmare of a dress '- with equally heinous dyed-to-match shoes '- and stepped up to the plate to ask this bride, "Hey, do you really think it's smart to marry a guy who doesn't want to have sex with you?" (According to the New York Post, her fiancé did not want to have sex with her).

If only one of these bridesmaids had put down her piña colada and done her duty as a bridesmaid and as a friend, hundreds of wasted police man-hours could have been saved '- not to mention six hundred perfectly good shrimp cocktails.

When we've got network reporters tripping over each other in a town like Duluth, Georgia, to cover a story on a runaway bride, I believe that's an indication of a deep societal problem. That problem is the appalling lack of courage on the part of bridesmaids and best girlfriends everywhere to point out that their friends are dating, affiancing or married to complete jackasses.

The logical objection to speaking up is, "What if I say something and it ends the friendship?"

To this I say with all possible compassion, "So what?"

Speaking as a now very happily divorced woman who married a man that not one single person in my life objected to prior to our getting married, I say that it's time that people started speaking up about their friends' horrifying boyfriends, fiancés, and even husbands. Because, as it turns out, over 87 of my friends subsequently admitted they disliked my ex from the moment they met him '- and then really got to hate him after they knew him better. And this actually helped me to finally leave him (thank you, friends!).

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