When His Sex Drive Turns Down -- Way Down
Dear Dr. Patti: I could have sex every minute of the day, while my boyfriend is happy with sex once every week or so. I can't live like that. When I bring it up, he says, "I'm content." Well, I am not! If I harp on it, he says I have a one-track mind. He is only 33
Dear Joan:
You have a serious dilemma on your hands, mind, body and heart. I suggest that you take a good, hard look at your relationship. There are several dynamics going on here. First, he is not hearing your request for more sex. He is responding from his own reality and not acknowledging yours. That's trouble.
Second, your hunger may not be easily resolved with him, no matter how hard you try to communicate with him. He may feel pressured to perform and please you, when he might like to experience you in other, different ways. You also may have a strong libido that needs to be fed. I hope that you are giving yourself time for masturbating, as this is an excellent way for you to quell that urge and relieve some of your innermost tensions.
As for his age and the "normalcy" of his apparent lack of desire, recent studies show that many couples, even young ones, are having much less sex than we might think. If a couple has sexual intercourse 3.5 times per month, guess what? They are falling within a national norm. What's important here is how you can bridge the gap and keep yourself happy with your guy. If he's willing to compromise, maybe you could entice him to hold and kiss you while you use a vibrator for self-stimulation. Or maybe you could play dress-up and seduce him by surprise to break that weekly pattern. Either way, it's up to you to choose what's acceptable as a "regular" amount of sex. Accept that you may not ever change him, and decide if he's enough just the way he is.
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