When Your Man Seems More Like a Roommate

Dear Sherry:

My fiance and I have been dating for almost a year but have been good friends for about five years. Since we moved in together (about three months ago), it seems like our relationship is turning back into a friendship again. I enjoy the time that we spend as friends, but how can I get him to understand that I want more couple time? It seems like we are getting almost too comfortable with each other to be romantic.



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear R:

It sounds as if you desperately need to put more of that four-letter word into your relationship. You know: D-A-T-E. As in, paint the town red (or blue or whatever your mutually favorite color is) once a week, if possible.

If you and your fiance treat each other like roommates, that's what you'll be. If you treat each other romantically -- well, you get the point.

However, bear in mind that romance is not like an annual inoculation. You can't inject it once and forget about it. You've got to keep making romantic gestures toward each other. Going out together is a great move. So is staying in together with the answering machine on. And let's not forget the tried-and-true tactic of sneaking a note into his jacket pocket before he leaves for work, telling him what you want to do to him when he gets home that night. You get the idea.

Tell him that you think the friendship the two of you have is a solid foundation for marriage. Now you've got to build on it to make sure that what the two of you share is strong (and fun) enough to last a lifetime.

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