Why am I so disgusted by sex?

ON Jan 21, 2004 at 3:28AM

Many guys have tried to get intimate with me, and I feel good about being attractive to them. But when they try to kiss me, I feel disgusted and take a step back. I enjoy watching sex scenes in the movies, but when it comes to my own life, I can't imagine myself making love -- even with the man I most desire. Is this normal? --ineez2003

Question:

The single most common question in sexology is, "Am I normal?" Most people, at one time or another, feel that maybe they're not "normal" in the way they look, what they think or feel or what they like/dislike doing sexually. Forget about normal! What is normal for you may not be normal for others. And that's perfectly okay.

Your situation depends a lot on your age and sexual evolution. If you are 16 and feel this way, that's one thing. If you are 30, that's quite another. I say this because most women who reach their late 20s -- and beyond -- with an aversion to sex have a valid reason(s) for it. If you are in the younger group, there's a chance that you're simply not ready for sex yet. That is perfectly okay. And of course it's possible that you're still not ready at 30 (or beyond). But at this age, it's also likely that there is something behind the fact that you feel "disgusted" at the thought of sex. If this sounds familiar to you, try asking yourself these questions:

Did something happen to me as a girl, such as unwanted sexual or physical touch, that is affecting me now?
Did someone ever make me feel shameful about my body?
As a child, did I get messages from my religion, culture, parents or peers that are now inhibiting me sexually? For instance, was I taught that sex was dirty or wrong?
Do I feel scared or insecure about revealing parts of my body?
Is there something I once did that brought about sexual pleasure that is now making me feel guilty or ashamed?
What am I afraid will happen if I let someone be sexual with me?
What am I afraid will happen if I let someone get close to me emotionally?

After you honestly answer these questions, you have to come to terms with the answers and find the courage and wisdom to move on.

If you become permanently stuck in this place in your life, however, then you should seek counseling or therapy. Get advice on how to find a good sex therapist here on iVillage.

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