Why does he always call, but never make a date?

Dear Sherry:

I have been dating a man for two months. We see each other only about once a week, but he calls me two or three times a day, just to "check in." I have asked him to not call me unless he wants to see me, but he thinks he should just be able to call and say hello without making plans to see me. He is young, handsome and wealthy and seems to be a little eccentric. He says that he likes to move slowly, doesn't want to rush anything, but I can't help but think he's just not interested. I have never had a problem in the dating department and have never had someone call this often but never want to see me!



Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Chris:

Uh, calling Chris. Most women complain that the men in their lives view the phone as an instrument of torture and only use it to make and confirm dates. Your guy likes to check in, make contact several times a day, actually communicate (another traditional male trouble spot), and you view this as a problem? Wake up and smell the sizzling phone lines!

I view his phoning penchant as a big positive. Exhibit A: The fact that he likes to take things slow yet feels compelled to regularly speak with you means that you're on his mind 24/7, or close to it. Instead of pressing him to make plans each time he dials your digits, be happy to hear from him and use these calls as an opportunity to get to know him better. Like the Internet, the phone is a seductively personal medium. When you're not distracted by someone's visible reactions to your words, you're more likely to be honest.

Plus, if you end each conversation by cooing about what you're going to do to him (blow in his ear, kiss his fingers one by one) next time you're together, he'll be more apt to want to end the call with a firm date.

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