Why does his orgasm take so long?

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Dr. Patti:

I live in Kentucky and my boyfriend lives in South Carolina. When we get together, it's, like, wow! He enjoys me giving him oral sex, but it takes him a long time before he comes. I would like to know what I can do to speed up the process. Is this a sign that he is having sexual activities with another woman?

RR

Question:

Dear RR:

First of all, if you have a concern that your boyfriend may be having sex with other women, ask him. If you still feel uncomfortable about that possibility, you may want to renegotiate the terms of your relationship.

Having a long-distance relationship can cause tension and performance anxiety when the couple do get together romantically. On the other hand, some men just take a long time to ejaculate in a woman's mouth. There are probably more than a million reasons: He may be thinking that it's unacceptable socially; that it tastes bad; that it smells bad; that it feels bad; that you can get an STD from swallowing semen. Whatever it is that stops him, this is yet another opportunity for the other kind of oral sex: talking about it.

Watch Video: Long Distance Relationships

According to a great deal of research, when a man cannot release his orgasm and ejaculate -- especially during penetrative acts -- it often is an indicator of his mistrust of women. That can stem from past experiences or a fear of letting go with his present partner. Don't take it too personally. Maybe he just needs to feel safe and comfortable and that you do not expect anything other than his pleasure during your attempts to please him through oral sex. To remedy your situation, try an open, frank discussion about what he likes and needs to release. Ask him to show you how he masturbates himself to show you his actual patterns for arousal and release. Then, using both your mouth and your hands and altering your patterns while trying to recreate his formula for success with himself, you will find this to become a much more rewarding experience for you both.

Take the pressure off yourself; it's really his own responsibility to find the means for orgasmic release, not yours. This is a team effort, designed for pleasure, not evaluation. So ease up on yourself and find a way to have fun.

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