Why Don't I Feel Anything during Sex?

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

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Dear Dr. Patti:

Is it weird that I never feel anything when I have sex?

L.

Question:

Dear L,

It depends. I am assuming that you are a young woman, not an aging male. So here goes: The truth is that sex provokes a smorgasbord of feelings and sensations, both emotional and physical. If that's not what is happening for you, perhaps there is something brewing inside you that is blocking your sensations.

The nature of sexual arousal is such that nerve conduction, blood flow, rapid breathing and all sorts of changing conditions in the human body are occurring in a short span of time. If you are "numb," I would suggest checking out a few things: Are you breathing or holding your breath? Are you giving yourself enough time to experience the full range of feelings -- either alone or with a partner? Is there a painful childhood or teenage event, or a suppressed memory that could be stifling your pleasure? Your expectations, personal history and sexual behavior may all be getting in the way of exciting lovemaking.

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