Why isn't sex as arousing as masturbation?

ON Jan 1, 1999 at 12:00PM

chime in now

Dear Dr. Patti:

Whenever I masturbate, everything feels wonderful, but when I have sex, I don't feel anything! What's wrong with this picture?

J

Question:

Dear J:

This problem requires a careful analysis of what else is going on for you concerning shared sex. I suggest that you assess whether or not you want to be sexual with your partner. Is this happening only with one person or with other partners? Based on your own sexual history, which has an impact on the present, you may be suppressing your own desires to share sexual touch with a lover for some reason. Is there something in your past that troubled or hurt you which related to sex? If so, it's time for some inner work and healing. Go to amazon and check out the resources on sexuality. If you had an experience that resembles sexual abuse of any kind, this could "freeze" your sensations during sex and create a block.

On the physical plane, make sure that you are not tightening up your whole body and literally blocking the flow of energy inside your body. When I work with female clients in person, I often coach them to learn (or re-learn) how to breathe. Yes, using the breath to open up sexual or genital sensation is a good tactic. Lie down, try to relax your thoughts away from all daily hassles, and imagine your breath coming up from the bottom of your spine. Let it raise up along your spine to the top of the head. Slowly hold the breath for about four beats; then let your breath descend down the front of your body, including letting it gently caress your genital area. Imagine your breath like an egg around you, a watery covering over your whole body, or even a cocoon of white or golden light. This is a healing, relaxing and centering breath. Often, through opening up the channel with this type of breathing technique, women feel a reawakening in their sexual region.

If this does not seem to produce any real change in sensation, seek a referral from the American Board of Sexology (202) 462-2122. Best of luck to you. I

Answer:
Chime In
Chime in now!
    More to Explore
    Is It Safe During Pregnancy? MORE
    Group B Strep in Pregnancy: What You Need to Know What Is Group B Strep? Group B Streptococcus (GBS) is the most common cause of sepsis (blood infection) and meningitis (infection of the fluid and lining surrounding the brain) in newborns. Between 10 and 35 per MORE
    Sudafed (Pseudoephedrine): Safe During Pregnancy? Let's start with the bottom line: It is best to abstain from the use of all medications, drugs, smoking and alcohol during pregnancy. In a pregnant woman with no medical complications, the common cold is rarely a problem. However, lack MORE
    Can Your Birth Control Method Impact Future Fertility? The two forms of birth control that can potentially pose the most problems for future fertility are the IUD and all forms of hormonal birth control. In the case of the IUD, women are put at greater risk of developing PID, or pelvic inflammator MORE
    Flagyl (Metronidazole) use when pregnant Dear Kaye, I wish I could convince all care givers to acknowledge that all drugs that they provide to women are potentially given to pregnant women. Why don't they consider what phase of the cycle a woman may be in or how likely a pregnancy wo MORE
    Staph infection: What is MRSA? What you are referring to is MRSA which stands for methicillin resistant Staph aureus. It is a bacteria rather than a disease which is where much of the confusion and panic seems to originate. Therefore, let me try to put some perspective on MORE
    More Q&As

    See All Q&As

    Advertisement
    Care Circle

    It Seems That You Are Not Logged In...

    OR

    Join Now

    Welcome to Care Circle, an exclusive tool to help you take care of yourself and your loved ones. Here's how it works:

    1. Create profiles for yourself and your loved ones.
    2. Select the topics and conditions that interest each of you.
    3. Get customized news updates, original content, tools, and expert advice for each Care Circle member delivered directly to your personalized homepage.

    The information you input is strictly private; you choose who has access to your Care Circle.

    How do I add myself or someone else to my care circle?

    Click on "Add someone." Fill out the short profile. Choose an avatar. Select the topics and conditions that interest this person from the pulldown menu. You can select as many as you want, but you must choose at least one. Click on "Add Someone" again. You should start getting updates immediately.

    How do I save content to my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab of the person for whom you're saving content. Put your cursor over the piece of content that you want to save; a disk icon will appear in the righthand corner. Click on the disk and the piece of content will be moved to a save folder.

    How do I add additional topics and conditions for someone in my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab for the person whose preferences you'd like to update. Under "Add More to Follow," select additional topics and conditions.

    How do I delete topics and conditions for someone in my Care Circle?

    Click on "Manage My Care Circle." Select the tab for the person whose preferences you'd like to update. Under "Follows," scroll over the topic or condition you want to delete. An "X" should appear on the righthand side. Click on the "X" and the topic or condition will be deleted from the list.

    See All News

    Advertisement