Why Men Leave: Dr. Brenda Shoshanna Talks About Her Book

All men want love. When they get it, some become afraid and start running in the opposite direction. On the one hand, they want love and to be in a relationship; on the other hand, they are relieved to get away.

It always "seems" to these men as if relationships are difficult. Difficult to find, difficult to keep, and difficult to enjoy. The fundamental truth is that there is never a scarcity of relationships, never a scarcity of love. Love is our natural condition. Why aren't we in love all the time? What is it that makes us run from the love we are so hungry for?

My book is dedicated to responding to that question. It looks at what drives men from the arms of women and what it would take to keep them there. Its focus is to help both men and women understand the whole gamut of male yearnings so that they can build relationships that can withstand any storm.

There are many ways to interpret experience. We can look at it psychologically, mythologically, metaphysically, religiously, existentially ... . In this book all vantage points will be employed because love is too large and mysterious a matter to be confined to any one point of view.

To begin, we must listen simply to the story a man tells us, without any interpretation, honoring and representing his experience, hearing how it was for him. Without listening carefully to the voices of men, their issues, dreams, and broken hearts, the tacit war that goes on between the sexes will never be healed. Needless to say, if we do not find healing, men, women, and their children will suffer from the fallout.

A wide variety of men were interviewed for the book, representing all ages and economic, educational, and social backgrounds. Some were single, others divorced. During the course of these interviews each man was encouraged to find the essence of his experience with women. Different themes emerged naturally, and each man was asked to elaborate on his.

Therapists, representing a wide range of points of view, were then consulted about their interpretation of the interviews. This gives us an opportunity to look at look at the different men's experiences through many filters.

Why Men Leave. Copyright © 1999 by Brenda Shoshanna. Reprinted with permission from Pedigree Books. All rights reserved.

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