Why Men Think Women Want Control

Myth: Women want to control men.
Truth: Women want to contribute, improve and be included.

"Women just want to control men until we follow them around like little puppy dogs."

"Women can't just leave a situation alone -- they have to pick at it until we do what they want us to do."

"Women always have to have things their way, or they get upset."

"Women want to make men into wimps."

This is one of men's favorite complaints about women, and one that women hate the most -- that we are controlling and manipulative, and all our efforts to work on the relationship or communicate our needs are thinly veiled attempts to control the man in our life. This myth about women is one of the more difficult to dispel.

Here's what happens: Men see women trying to contribute or get organized or plan or problem-solve, and misinterpret it as our attempt to control them.

Remember -- a woman's intention is usually not to control. Rather, it's to offer whatever she can, out of love, to you or to the relationship, whether it's in the form of organization, ideas, suggestions, alternatives and so forth. When a man dismisses her offering as an attempt to dominate or control him, he's pushing away her love in one of its most fundamental expressions.

What do men get out of believing this myth?

  • Men get to hid the truth of how they're feeling or how they're doing.

Jack is having a difficult time in his new job. It's a much more pressured environment than at his previous company, and even after a few weeks, he still doesn't feel as if he fits in. Each night, he arrives home from work exhausted and depressed, but when his wife, Ellen, asks him what's wrong, he doesn't really give her details or share what's happening. Instead, he just mumbles something about having had a hard day at the office.

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