Why We Can't Wait for Snooki's Hilariously Awful Novel

Make way for Snooki the author with her book A Shore Thing, a tale of tanning, "gorilla juiceheads" and partying

Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi, the voice of her generation, has written the next great American novel. Okay, not really. She has written a novel, though, and she wrote it in record time: The Jersey Shore star announced her writing plans at the end of September, and the book hits shelves this week. A Shore Thing is the story of two Italian-American cousins, Gia and Bella, who spend a summer partying, tanning and falling in love in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. (What, did you think she would write about Rwanda?) We actually thought it sounded kind of boring and predictable -- until the New York Post got a hold of an advance copy and published a few choice sentences. Here are a few of our favorites:

"Gia danced around a little, shaking her peaches for show. She shook it hard. Too hard. In the middle of a shimmy, her stomach cramped. A fart slipped out. A loud one. And stinky."

"He had an okay body. Not fat at all. And naturally toned abs. She could pour a shot of tequila down his belly and slurp it out of his navel without getting splashed in the face."

"Gia had never before been in jail. It wasn't nearly as gritty and disgusting as she'd seen on TV prison shows. The Seaside Heights drunk tank -- on a weekday afternoon -- was as clean and quiet as a church."

"Yum. Johnny Hulk tasted like fresh gorilla."

"I love my family, my friends, my job, my boss. And I love my body, especially the badonk."

Isn't it awful? Don't you want to read the whole thing right now? The prose may not win any literary awards, but it's authentic Snooki -- and we'll take it over Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino's GTL guide any day. And did we mention that the cover is a giant picture of Snooki's pouf? If that doesn't scream Oprah's Book Club, we don't know what does!

Would you read Snooki's book? Chime in below!

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