Why won't he compliment me?

I've been dating this guy for a month, and things have been moving very fast. Within the first week, I met most of his friends and family. He said that he was excited for his friends to meet me, but he has yet to comment on my looks. He hasn't said anything at all, not even that he thinks I'm pretty. He is a very good-looking guy, and I know looks aren't everything, but I just think it's weird. I have told him many times that I think he is so beautiful, has nice eyes, nice body and so on. But when I told him that he has a nice body, all he said was, "thank you." Then, last night in the heat of passion, I told him that he is gorgeous, and he didn't say anything. No reply at all. How can I confront him about this without sounding like I'm insecure? --iVillager kellyti


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear kellyti:

From what you’ve described in your question, your relationship actually seems to be going very well at this point. He’s introduced you to his family, so he clearly respects you and you’ve shared passionate moments together, so you’re clearly attracted to each other. However, if you want this one area of your relationship to improve, you’ll have to be honest with him, and ask him about it directly. Keep in mind that mentioning it does carry the risk of sounding insecure, but if this is indeed a problem that you’re set on solving, ask away.

When you’re ready to bring it up, just tell him, "Sam (Paul, Ted, whatever), you're an attractive guy and I tell you so frequently. I'm not looking for reassurance on my looks. I know I'm attractive, but are you aware that you've never once commented on my appearance? When I said you had a nice body, your response was 'thank you.' I think it's important for a couple to say sweet things to one another. I was wondering what your feelings on this issue are."

If he vows to be more aware of your needs, give him a chance. If he scoffs at your neediness, cut him loose. You’ll be much happier with a man who’s more generous with compliments.

Talk about dating on the Ask the Dating Doyenne message board.

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