Why You Should Make Up, Not Break Up

Truly there is no reason to resign yourself to a bad relationship -- whether you are dating or married. Rather than changing partners and ending up in this predicament again, you can learn to have a fabulous relationship with the partner you already have! I strongly encourage you to make the relationship you have work because there is a higher rate of divorce and adultery in second marriages.

Getting rid of your partner does not get rid of the problem because half the problem is yours. You can walk out on your marriage, but you can't run away from yourself, no matter how hard you try! Rather than blaming each other, couples can learn how to work as a team and coach each other through the troubled times and power struggles. To do this, you must create a "safe" relationship so you can express your needs and fears and effectively resolve anger and conflict. More relationships break up because people don't know how to validate each other (that frustration escalates to become anger) than for any other reason. This is truly a shame, because the skills for "fighting fair" are very easy to master with just a little practice and patience.

One of the biggest causes of the unresolved anger between people is a lack of understanding. Men and women have different strengths and weaknesses, different ways of expressing ourselves, and different "childhood wounds" that we're trying to heal. While it may seem like we're from different planets, we are actually very much alike when it comes to our need and desire for love and intimacy. We only behave differently in our quest for closeness. Stop doing what is fair and right and start doing what works! It's not about "working harder," it's about "working smarter."

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