How Placing Blame Can Hurt Your Kids
Kids need both a mom and a dad whenever possible. When splitting takes hold, it can lead to a situation in which the mom and dad start to hate each other so much, their feelings can't help but spill over into the child's life. Sometimes kids get caught in loyalty struggles, where they feel that if they want to see one parent, they are betraying the other parent by doing so. Kids need to be able to feel that they can still love both parents
I recently heard of a couple that got ensnared in a particularly nasty custody battle. Only two years ago, they could still be heard saying things about each other like, "I know she's a good mom," and "I know he's a good father," despite the fact that they were getting divorced. Sadly, when splitting took over and their litigating lawyers fed the flames, a war ensued that led them into an ugly custody battle over their 10-year-old daughter. They now see each other as "vile scum" unfit to walk the face of the earth, never mind to be the other parent of their daughter! Not surprisingly, their daughter is utterly miserable: she's an unhappy, depressed, angry girl who rarely smiles and has developed behavior problems at school. From what I hear, they have squandered more than $100,000 between them in legal fees thus far, and the war continues with no end in sight.
How to avoid splitting? For starters, I think you can prevent things from snowballing if you're at least aware that splitting is taking place. Also, try to keep in mind that no matter how angry you may be at your ex-spouse, open hatred, warfare, and vindictive action against him or her will inevitably hurt your children a lot.