Will my boyfriend be able to tell I'm a virgin?
I am a 27-year-old virgin. I have been dating my boyfriend for six months now, and we will probably have sex soon. Should I tell him about my lack of experience? If I don't, will he find out anyway? --R
Question:
Dear R:
My experience in working with a variety of clients tells me that in an intimate relationship the partner always "knows" what the other is holding back. My gut says that he knows without your having said a word.
I always advocate that honesty and open communication are the best sexual lubricants for lovers. Start out by telling him that you have something important to talk about with him. Ask him whether he's a virgin before you leap into the truth tank and spill your beans about your own lack of sexual experience. Often a woman is surprised to learn that her potential new lover is also a newbie. That can be just the type of bonding that builds lasting relationships. If not, enlist him as your guide into his world of sexual loving.
As for your base of knowledge, find out all you can before you decide to break the barrier into sexual adulthood. At your age you are ready to view, read and explore the realm of sexually explicit materials. These may offer you a handy reference point for what to expect, so that you approach your new lifestyle with ease, confidence and preparedness. Of course, use a reliable form of birth control and protection against STDs. Using condoms with a foam, vaginal cream or jelly is a good method; a condom is one of the few means to stop the spread of sexual diseases. Even though women of the '90s usually have lost their hymen from athletics or sporting activities, first sex can cause vaginal bleeding, may not feel as good as it will when you gain experience and may cause an eruption of feelings -- good and bad, old and new, fresh and wrinkled.
Remember, whatever you decide, your body belongs to you. Do not cross over into the zone of being pressured for sex. Know your limits and what feels good and not good. If this is the one, then go sweetly and softly with him into that gentle night ... and go slowly.
To learn more about Dr. Patti, visit her Website at www.yoursexcoach.com.
