Will sex on first date ruin everything?
Dear Sherry:
I met an incredible guy about a year ago on the Internet, and we really hit it off. We talked daily and flirted back and forth. We recently had a first date, which went terrifically. Until I had sex with him. I am afraid I ruined things by having sex so soon. I really want a future with this man. I tried talking to him about my feelings, and while he reassured me that he thought I was great in AND out of bed, I think I pushed him away by bringing the subject up. I am not sure if I'm just freaking out because of my past experiences or if I really blew it with him. Can I have something with him? Or did I ruin it in that moment of passion?
megs697
Sherry Amatenstein
Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more
Dear megs697:
First, a clarification: Did you push him away by NOT pushing him away or just by bringing the subject up afterward? Or are you letting sex be the dividing wall? Have you heard from him since this encounter? If so, you have the chance to put the relationship on a new track.
While no advice columnist worth her salt would recommend having sex on the first date -- it leads to a false intimacy which can forestall the slow unfolding of each other's psyches -- it doesn't always mean the nipping of a budding relationship. But I do recommend you stop sleeping with him. Simply announce that you're anointing yourself as born-again virgin. He already knows you regret the boudoir bonding; just hit "rewind" on your relationship and start afresh.
One last note: If it took a year to take the relationship from the online world to the real world, then sex on the first date isn't the only thing slowing things down.
