Words of Wisdom from the Breakup Doctors

"You need to learn from this experience. You want to know that you are better and stronger for having experienced a part of yourself that you want to guard against. You want a man who takes care of you rather than uses you and tells you convenient words that don't add up to a relationship. This may have been a hard education — but it will be worth it if you learn from it."
—Dr. Pepper Schwartz

"Focus on yourself, your work, your life's ambition, and hold out for someone who adores you and doesn't have to be talked into treating you well. It's worth it. You're worth it."
—Grrl Genius Cathryn Michon

"Whatever his life is, it's not your life — and you shouldn't compare your life to his. What you need to do is get your own life the way you want it, and figure out what that would mean. One thing is for sure: Next time you create a relationship, take care of it. Don't break up just because you are having issues. Relationships are fragile. They take a lot of care. Don't create break-up scenes unless you really are ready for something to end. Be careful and take care of what you have — if you want to keep it."
—Dr. Pepper Schwartz

"Therapists say that respect, not love, is the number one factor that keeps long-term relationships together. If you do not have deep and abiding respect and admiration for each other, it will not be a happy union."
—Grrl Genius Cathryn Michon

"You are distraught and you need to think as well as feel. It is terrible to be dumped — but the first part of dealing with it is not to be desperate. Not only will it make you feel terrible, it won't make you attractive to him either. Showing how miserable you are has rarely brought a lover back. Meanwhile, judge him by what he does, not by what he says. Stay away, don't beg, and don't cry on the phone to him. Get a close friend who can stay with you and help you resist the urge to call. Your calls to him won't help — and if he does call you, tell him that you only want to talk to him in person. If he won't come over, you have your answer: He is not being loving or caring. Give yourself some space to breathe and avoid panic. You will get over this — but you will prolong the agony if you don't find a way to stop thinking about him. Let friends support you during this period. You will need them — and you can return the favor someday."
-Dr. Pepper Schwartz

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