You Can't Hurry Love

In relationships, I tend to get emotionally attached way too soon. I've been dating this guy for only four days, and I already think I may be in love with him. How can I be sure?

--Vega Rene


Sherry Amatenstein

Sherry is the author of The Q&A Dating Book and Love Lessons from Bad Breakups. She has taught dating seminars, appeared as an expert... Read more

Dear Vega Rene:

Take a deep breath, Vega Rene. No, take four. The time it took you to breathe those deep ones is just about the time you've known this fellow you profess to love. The emotions you're feeling have little or nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. To be more specific, you're suffering from insecurity -- you think you cannot be complete without a man in your life. Of course that is not true. The truth is you can't form a lasting romantic bond until you can look in the mirror and like the solo (as in, not attached to a man) reflection staring back at you.

Love is all about two independent individuals bringing out the best in each other, not merging into one person. And love is not about one somewhat desperate person clinging for dear life to a seemingly heroic mate.

It's great that you know you have this obsessive tendency. Rather than attaching yourself prematurely to a man you barely know (a move nearly guaranteed to drive him away), begin examining your heart to determine what void you expect your potential boyfriend to fill. The more you understand where you're truly coming from and what you're truly looking for, the sooner you will see him for who he is, not for who you want him to be.