Your Sex Life Could Be Worth $50,000

Here's an intriguing report from some English economists that landed in the pile of papers I call my "inbox": "Money, Sex and Happiness: an Empirical Study." How do these academic types always seem to be able to find people to give them money to study sex? And is England (home of Queen "No Sex" Victoria, plus all that weird cross-dressing) really the country we should turn to for experts on sex and happiness?

Regardless, I wanted to find out what these researchers had to say. The study says that going from having sex once a month to once a week causes the same amount of happiness as getting a $50,000-a-year raise. And that a happy marriage is equal to receiving an extra $100,000 a year. But a divorce actually costs you $66,000 in happiness (and that's not including all the CDs you have to replace).

Because I take my job as a sex and relationship expert seriously, I decide to get some feedback on the Money, Sex, and Happiness study from my friend Kim and my cousin Jen, two members of my own personal Grrl Genius club, to whom I turn for field research on love, money and the latest trends in bikini waxing.

Now, some people have questioned how I can claim to be a Grrl Genius expert on sex and relationships when I don't have "training" or "an actual degree." But I say that my divorce decree is the only credential I need, because who better to give relationship advice than someone who has failed completely and knows the pitfalls? My expertise relies solidly on practical, everyday wisdom. For example, my number one piece of sex advice is this: Women need to get an adequate dose of the only substance that has been clinically proven to enhance female sexual response, and in dire (but surely temporary) circumstances can replace sex entirely. I am speaking, of course, of chocolate.

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