Chocolate is an essential substance for women's mental and sexual health because it contains phenylethylamine, the pleasure enzyme released in the bloodstream when we fall in love. Consider: 90 percent of women in America eat some form of chocolate every day. Approximately 10 percent of women in America have been diagnosed as clinically depressed. Coincidence? I think not.
"But if you have to deduct $66,000 each for both of your divorces, doesn't that put you in happiness debt?" asks my relentlessly negative friend Kim, who's a high-powered executive (but you wouldn't know it from the giant glob of caramel sauce on her chin, which I now decide not to tell her about). "No, that's a one-time deduction," I correct defensively. Kim scowls. "Supposedly I'm $100,000 richer just because I'm married? Hey, I've had a $100K bonus before and, believe me, it feels a lot better."
I eye Kim cautiously. "But didn't you tell me you guys only have sex once a month? That cuts $50K each from the marriage bonus, which puts you flat broke, happiness-wise." Kim snorts, "Please! If you saw my Visa bills you'd know I'd actually kill to be flat broke '- broke would be like an upgrade." Jen stares at Kim, incredulous, "You only have sex once a month?" Kim's eyes narrow dangerously. "With three kids and 10-hour workdays, we're lucky to get that. After the honeymoon is over, you'll see." Jen looks panicked. I hand her the hot fudge. "Ignore her. She and Barnaby are actually very happy."